Hair today, gone tomorrow

Sighhhhhhhhhh at the risk of sounding like the most uncaring, shallow beeotch, I just need to vent and I'm looking to you readers to be either sympathatic or silent. I recently decided somewhat on a whim to chop off all of my hair and to donate it to Locks of Love. I've done this once before during somewhat of a metamorphosis in my life, and was hoping I would feel not only as charitable but as hot as I felt then as well. The diet is going well (20 pounds down!) but I've been needing a spark to keep moving.

I did some research, and saved some beautiful links to styles I liked. On my work computer. Which I did not have with me when I made my impulsive appointment for yesterday afternoon.Which is where the problem started. Here are the steps detailing the downward spiral of my new 'do:

1. Arrived early for my appointment with my fabulous friend Ashley, relaxed and ready to peruse the books to find a picture to match my ideas. PROBLEM: Francisco my stylist was there, ready and waiting to start. Pressure was on. I told him I needed some time but he was hovering.

2. Quickly sped through the books with Ashley and did not go beyond the 'short hair' section, when in reality my dream hair was more of the 'medium' variety. PROBLEM: Did not find a suitable replacement and ended up using my words to describe my needs. That was not good on so many levels, one being my verbose nature and another being Francisco's primary language, which is not English.

3. As Francisco was cutting and working with me to shape my style into reality, there were two girls that work there whispering and giggling in the area next to me. PROBLEM: He asked if I liked it as-is or if I wanted more off. I wanted more off, but I thought the girls were making fun of me for being pain in the ass so I said it was fine.

4. He finished, and I thought that maybe I just needed to take the cape off and see it with my real clothes. Sometimes that helps, right? PROBLEM: It was worse, and shocking, and I was at that level of panic where your blood is racing to your face and you're afraid you're going to cry because it's THAT BAD and you know deep down that no amount of 'doing it yourself' is going to make this baby work.

At the end of the day, I'm 100% glad I did it and I'm so hopeful that a poor little girl with no hair will love my hair as much as I did. I know I sound like a dink for saying I hate my hair, but I need to just address the fact that inside of me is also a little girl who is feeling extremely insecure and I can feel that it's showing on my face and in my (slouchy) body language. I made an appointment to see Francisco tomorrow to try and change the fact that I look like the Lego version of Darth Vader. Fingers crossed.

Again, if I could just stress that I know the following, you really really really don't need to tell me. If you have horrible hair stories on the other hand, come on in and have a seat and tell me alllll about it. ;)

1. It's just hair, it will grow back. A couple of months is a very long time when you're looking at disaster in the mirror.
2. I have such a pretty face (your words, not mine), I can work anything.Thank you so much, but pretty faces come from pretty attitudes, and this 'tude sure ain't pretty right now.
3. It's for a good cause. I know, that's exactly why I did it.
4. Etc, etc, etc. I know, I know, I know.

Debbie Downer out, hopefully to be replaced once again by Suzy Sunshine after my 3pm appt with Francisco tomorrow.