Sensation and Perception

As you may have noticed, I've been in a bit of a blog-fog lately. My moments of inspiration to write a post throughout the day have been replaced with a long list of to-dos, and I've been feeling as though my mind and soul have suffered the consequences. A friend of mine recently spent 10 days alone in Spain, and along with a burst of admiration and respect for his independence, I was reminded of my solo trip to Florida a little over a month ago. This friend and I had different goals (and, in his case, way cooler surroundings) in mind for our respective trips, but when it comes down to it there are universal similarities to spending time with yourself that I think everyone can relate to.

When I was in Florida, I realized some of the many ways being alone can feel. On the way down, I was alone and faced with the challenges of a delayed flight, the insecurity of not being in my comfort zone, the fear of walking alone in a deserted parking lot at 1am, trying to find my room amid a sea of dark buildings. That was a tough version of alone, but probably the one I was most proud of once I was safely ensconced in my bed.  I spent time alone at the pool and time alone at dinner and at Universal Studios, and that was the kind of alone where you are in a sea of people but somehow, quietly and ultimately, alone in the crowd. I tried to take moments away from people-watching to focus on my own experience; what I was smelling, how my food tasted, the feel of the sun warming my hair. I met and spoke to a few people, but for the most part I kept to myself in keeping with my plan for the trip. That kind of 'alone in a crowd' feeling was the kind where you kind of feel like you're in your own music video, and you wonder if any of the people around you mirror your thoughts in terms of introspection and depth. The third kind of alone I faced in Florida was in the most literal sense...alone, in my room, with just my thoughts for company. No computer, phone shut off, books put away. Just laying there, eyes closed, palms up. This type of stillness is very difficult for me. My mind and body battle for attention, to be allowed to move and to DO. It's not often I can obtain peace in stillness, and it's something I would like to work on.

Last night, I decided to try and give my creative spirit the jumper cables to see if I couldn't maybe awaken the thinker within me that has been taking more and more time to slumber lately. I realized something: when you live alone, sometimes you forget to do the awesome things you would do for yourself if you lived with people but had a whole day with the house to yourself. I had some time after work and before the game, so I grabbed a few candles and started up a nice bubble bath. I initially brought in a book, but then remembered my mission to stop forcing thoughts on myself and to just be. So I turned out the lights and let the sounds of ambient music from the other room and tiny popping bubbles all around lull me into a dazed comfort.

Once I reached the point where my mind was no longer content with staying still (not going to lie, I only got about 10 minutes but it's a start), I drained the tub and was just about to turn the lights on so I could quickly shower when I realized that I loved the look of the bathroom with the candles lit. If I turned the light on, it would look like this:

HOWEVER, if I kept the lights off, the scene would be more like this.

Sexy, right? The only problem was that with the shower curtain closed, I would be showering in almost pitch blackness. How would I know if the soap was washed off? How would I see the trail of my razor along my legs? That's dangerous!! I decided to go for it. I have to just tell you one thing...DO THIS. I was able to escape from the monotony of routine, and to appreciate the feel of the soap in my hair and my hair curled around my fingers as I massaged my scalp. Finding the soap bar was tricky (especially after I dropped it), but feeling it glide along my skin and trying to visualize the paths it was taking in order to not miss any parts was exhilarating. Shaving was a challenge, but I made it though unscathed. I took my time rinsing and toweling off, and realized that I could almost feel the movement of my blood through my veins as it reacted to the hot, hot water. I could see steam rising off my skin, smell the fabric softener on the towel, smell the bouquet of differently scented candles mixing together and for a few moments...I felt at true peace.


Something tells me I will be saving some money on electricity going forward...