Full Disclosure Friday

I'm an office food stealer. Specifically, condiments. I don't steal anything (ever!) that there is only one of, or that is clearly someone's. Condiments, however? I'm like a ninja. Butter, cream cheese, salad dressing, mayo, mustard, vinegar...you name it, I steal it. To be fair, I occasionally bring in a big container of something assuming there are others like me that will pilfer out of it. And also, I do bring in food to feed the folks at work sometimes to offset my guilt.

I don't even think it's that big of a deal, but if you could see me doing it you would think I was robbing someone of hundreds of dollars. Covertly looking around, shielding the stolen goods with my body, quickly dispensing and then putting them right back in the EXACT spot I found them in. Sometimes I even hum a tune to appear more casual. There is some excitement to my thievery...you see, the office is small. Maybe 10 people in here on any given day. So when anyone walks into the kitchen, I have a 1 in 10 chance of getting caught using THEIR condiment. It's a real nail biter!

Cue karma, that bitch. Today I was going to put my own balsamic vinegar on my salad, but spotted a full bottle of some creamy, cheesy, delicious looking dressing in the fridge. Once I saw it, I knew it would be mine. I quickly pulled it out, opened the bottle and was waiting for it to pour out, feeling overly exposed and willing it to hurry up. Sure enough, I heard footsteps behind me! I panicked and made the fatal  dumb mistake of squeezing the bottle a tiny bit to make it hurry, and then it happened. I overdressed my salad, disgustingly so. Blech. What a gross mess. I totally deserved it.