Oh, man. I kicked it up a notch last night in terms of stupid shit I do to mortify myself. Lest I ever get caught up in my awesomazingness, there's always a swift kick in the pants from karma to remind me who the boss is.
Let's start at around 3pm yesterday. All day long at work I had been trying to mediate a war between my dress and my unders. Both being made of cotton, the unders kept gripping my dress and making it pull up in the back. In an effort to defend my modesty (stop laughing...I do have a sliver of it), I finally decided to ditch my drawers at the end of the day. I had to go shopping and I sure as hell wasn't about to walk through the Natick Collection with my dress hiked up on my behind like some hussy.
Off I went to the mall, quite aware of my nothingness down under. I tried on many, many dresses and finally found one for the wedding I'm going to this weekend. (The invitation says "Attire...Fabulous!")
Quite proud of myself for snagging the perfect dress and in such short time, I headed out. As I walked down the stairs to exit the mall via JC Penney, the thought crossed my mind that due to the rain outside, the floor was probably going to be quite slippery. Forward thinking, but it did not help. Alas, I went sprawling on all fours, actually feeling the air on the sides of my hips. Holy shit. I didn't stop to see who was behind me, I just quickly scrambled to my feet and hustled out of there, head tucked into my armpit. I managed to get most of the way to my car before the giggles started bubbling out of me.
When I got to work this morning, I had a voicemail waiting for me from "Paul, one of the security guards at JC Penney", wanting to discuss the 'incident' they saw on the security tapes and stating that some things should probably be erased. I have no idea who thought to have "Paul" call, but bravo. Bravo, indeed. I'm still laughing...
Seriously, you can't take me anywhere.
As long as you weren't in "THE COLLECTION" part of the mall, I think you're okay. If you were to do that in front of Anthropologie, they might ban you for life ;) (poor you, I would have died)
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