NERD ALERT! (Alternatively titled: I hate Melissa)

Once upon a time, I was 10 years old and had a big chalkboard in my bedroom. I mainly used it to pretend I was a teacher.

On one random afternoon, I had gotten in some sort of argument with my friend Melissa. I can only imagine what it was about, but it made me mad enough to write:

I hate Melissa. I hate Melissa. I hate Melissa. I hate Melissa. I hate Melissa. I hate Melissa. I hate Melissa. I hate Melissa. I hate Melissa. I hate Melissa. I hate Melissa. I hate Melissa. I hate Melissa. I hate Melissa. I hate Melissa. I hate Melissa. I hate Melissa. I hate Melissa. I hate Melissa. I hate Melissa. I hate Melissa. I hate Melissa.

Over and over. All over my chalkboard.

(SIDE NOTE: Remember when teachers used to make us write “I will not talk in class” 100 times on the chalkboard after school? You don’t? Oh, well…I do. I secretly loved it because I was bigtime OCD and used to like lining up all the w’s down in a vertical line, then the i’s, then the l’s, etc. The only thing that made me stop talking in class was when my 4th grade teacher told me I had to write out each sentence horizontally, in order. Pshhh..what a dictator.)

Anyway, my mom came in and saw what I had written. She told me that hate is a very strong word and that I was not allowed to use it in her house. She listened to me rant and rave about whatever unjust thing Melissa had done to earn my loathing, but informed me that I had to erase my angry words. I’m pretty sure she thought that would be the end of it.

It wasn’t, of course. Being the wordy nerd that I was, I grabbed my thesaurus and found what I considered to be a reasonable substitute. I grabbed my chalk, and got to work. The next time my mom came up to see what I was up to, she found me putting the finishing touches on my new and improved board of feelings:

I despise Melissa. I despise Melissa. I despise Melissa. I despise Melissa. I despise Melissa. I despise Melissa. I despise Melissa. I despise Melissa. I despise Melissa. I despise Melissa. I despise Melissa. I despise Melissa. I despise Melissa. I despise Melissa. I despise Melissa. I despise Melissa. I despise Melissa. I despise Melissa. I despise Melissa. I despise Melissa. I despise Melissa. I despise Melissa. I despise Melissa. I despise Melissa. I despise Melissa. I despise Melissa.

BOOM!