It's a Christmas Miracle!

Before I get to the miracle part, let me just yammer on a bit with some completely irrelevant background information. In fact, it's so irrelevant that it probably doesn't even count as background but I'm throwing it in this post because I feel bad for it. Mainly because it's sad and negative and it deserves to be placed in with a miracle. So there.

Yesterday (and many days of late) I was once again reminding myself that when I was doing strict Paleo I felt like a rock star. I was losing weight, feeling in control, and making both mental and behavioral decisions I hadn't in years. With the recent intrusion of Thanksgiving (oh, let's be honest...October, Halloween, November, Thanksgiving, ETC) I've been pretty lapse in my good decision making. I was maintaining the weight I had lost, but over the last week I got a little out of hand (we're talking things like mixing leftover mashed potatoes, stuffing and turkey in to balls, breading and frying them) and gained 3 lbs. Consequently, I feel like crap. (But in case you wanted to see the leftover fried balls of delish...)

#thisiswhyyourefat

Now, changing course slightly...and including one of those embarrassing disclosures I'm so very good at. As some of you know, I've been doing the online dating thing. It's resulted in mainly humorous stories, with a success story or two (ok, just one) thrown in for good measure. Last week I had started communicating with a guy so similar to me in personality, wit and humor it was uncanny (and obviously fun talking to him). All was going well, a date was planned, and we were communicating via text multiple times during the day as well as a phone conversation here and there. One day we sent a few pics back and forth of us with our families. Now obviously I have pictures on my profile, but while I try to make it somewhat clear that I'm not a size 2, it's not like I'm going to put anything outright unflattering on there. I would kind of like to think that the right guy will not only see past my chub curves to my stellar personality, but would actually find me to be sexy as-is. I took a chance and sent him this picture, which is of me with my siblings. Since I'm standing in between my teeny sister and manorexic brother (love you, Chrisr), I thought it would be a good way to show my, uh, 'proportions'. 

Yes, we have every possible hair/eye color combination

 So, I sent the picture...and almost immediately after that, his communication with me began dwindling. He became very slow to respond, and when he did--one word answers. Clearly I don't have the patience for that, and I wasn't about to hold my Saturday night open for it either. On the off chance that he randomly just had a ton of stuff going on (this took place on the day before Thanksgiving), I sent him a text the day after Thanksgiving simply stating that clearly something had happened to change his interest level in me, and saying I assumed he wanted to cancel Saturday night. He responded 'Yes sorry'. OUCH. I mean I knew that was going to be his response, but it just sucked. And I'm not going to obsess over it or even be 100% sure it was the picture that changed his mind, but chances look good that it was. I responded nicely and said 'That's ok, I'm not for everyone. Best of luck to you.' He wrote back 'Thanks, you too. You're pretty awesome.' So....who knows? The important part of this story is that I was talking to my friend Tony about it afterwards, and he was like (summarizing), 'What do you even care? You never even met the guy! You're happy with the way you look so screw him.'  Yes, but that last statement? It's not true at all. I'm not happy with the way I look. In fact, I'm miserable with it, and think I could probably change the world if I had the daily mind power available to me that I spend worrying and lamenting over my size. It was actually surprising to me that someone so close to me didn't know that, but I suppose it's a good indication of how I tend to hold those negative thoughts in my head, and how I never ever ask for help or pity. I'm aware that I got myself here, and no amount of anyone's sympathy will get me out of it. That's my job.

Which brings me back to the start of the Christmas Miracle story (geez, I hope you're still reading and don't think I was just tricking you into reading a bunch of sobby crap). I vowed yesterday to find 4 new Paleo recipes, go to the grocery store and buy the ingredients, and go home and cook at least 2 of them. That would give me plenty of food available for the next 2 or 3 days.

Here's what happened:

• I DID find four awesome recipes
• I DID go to the grocery store and buy the ingredients
• I DID get $30 cash back in the self-checkout line
• I did NOT take the $30 from the machine when I checked out
• CURSES!

By the time I realized it I was home, and I figured that the $30 was good and gone. Bummer. Just in case, I called the store on my way to work this morning and asked if anyone had happened to turn the money in. Enter miracle: THEY DID. They asked if I had my receipt, which I figured I did not because Stop and Shop receipts are about 75 feet long and I always throw them out before I even leave the store. Enter miracle 2: I DID. It was in my trunk! I marched right in there and presented my receipt to the tune of $30! I know it was my money, but it kind of felt like I won it.

So there you have it, folks. A true Christmas Miracle. Pass it on...