A little recap...

Things I've been eating, doing, instagramming, etc...in case you missed it (or me).

Having dinner at Legal's last week: mahi mahi, cauliflower puree, olives and sun dried tomatoes, with fried artichoke spear thingies. Terrible picture of the most delicious thing ever.

 Taking artistic pictures of my brick wall and new orange fuzzy blanket.

 Taking cheesy kissy photos with this cute boy while shoveling out my car.

 Noticing how many different directions kitten fur grows, particularly on kitten noses.

Getting spoiled rotten and having this delicious dinner cooked for me after going to the gym.

 

Finding this awesome mug.

 Trying to figure out what this awesome animal is.

 Waking up to this frightening sight.

  

Having it pointed out that my cat with no ears looks more than a little like Scar from the Lion King. 

 

Having this stunning bouquet delivered to my work, just because.

  

Playing cards with my closest ladies.

Ok listen...

Sometimes people consume bags of kale that are larger than their actual heads, and other people do not need to be the judge of that. (Not that I know of any such person...I read it in a magazine.)

Kale is my boyfriend, but I abused the hell out of him last night

I'm so pumped to have found kale all washed and cut up and ready to go, just at the time of year when the fresh kale on the shelves looks like a line-up of tired, sweaty tween girls at the end of a junior high dance.

(I'll give you a moment to fully cultivate the above image with your mind..........)

Last night, though...my man kale took the back burner to my lover--cheese. Poor kale became merely a mechanism in which to deliver the bag of shredded parmesan I had straight into my belleh. Like I literally started out by shaking the bag of cheese gently over the saute pan, then I looked around (note: I was alone) and straight up DUMPED the bag into the pan. Then I said (out loud, with no feeling), "oooooops."

We'll go ahead and blame the lady hormones. We can also blame them for me crying over a Toyota commercial. 

I love you, kale. (But I lust for you, cheese)

Chocolate covered BACON peanut brittle. Bacon, I said.

Prudes beware...this is a dirty post (with pictures)

Kale:  Hey girl, I want to be inside you.

Me: Oh yeah...get in here!

Kale: I know it sounds cheesy, but you're the most beautiful woman I've ever seen.

Me: Cheese, you said? Yes, I do have some fresh parmesan now that you mention it. Let's get kinky.

Spinach: I think vampires are hot. 

Me: Me too, but you should always use protection...especially with vampires. I have some if you need it.

(See what I did there?)

Shrimp: Nice. Now let's get in the hot tub. Give me a hand?

Me: Of course, baby...I got it nice and steamy for you, just the way you like it.

(ten minutes later)

And then they all had the best food orgy ever.

The end.

Watch your step!

(I giggle every time someone says that to someone who just tripped)

SPEAKING OF TRIPPING (of the physical, not drug-induced variety), last week I went to the grocery store to do my Thanksgiving food shopping, then returned home and began "The Challenge." You know, where you carry more than is physically possible in order to not have to (god forbid) take two trips. It's not about being lazy (ok, I guess it kind of is)...it's about conquering the bags and impressing the neighbors with your brute strength!

Either way, the whole 'impress the neighbors' thing was sort of a bust, as I lost control of what I was carrying, got distracted and literally fell off the walkway. Bags and groceries everywhere, me on the ground with the bags actually holding me down so I couldn't even hop right up. People saw me. I called my mom afterward to tell her and in typical family style, she laughed so hard I couldn't understand her for 5 minutes. The only downside was that I hurt my poor big toe. I can't even talk about toenails, never mind the thought of losing one, without gagging and covering my eyes...so I'll save you the details and just tell you it's no bueno. Saw the doctor, who agreed that the top part of my big toe is probably broken. It hurt like a MO FO for about a week, but now it's been almost two weeks and it only hurts some. However, I've been unable to wear a shoe or even a slipper. That has left me in this lovely boot:

Luckily, I work with awesome people who decided the other day I needed to spice things up a bit and bought me this winner of a sock (I got a ladybug one too):

ANYWHO...I'm pretty thrilled to be back on Paleo (despite some major derailments), and had this amazing breakfast this morning. It literally took under 5 minutes to make. Protein, flavor, color and texture FTW.

1 egg
leftover buffalo chicken meatloaf
sauteed spinach
coconut oil

It's a Christmas Miracle!

Before I get to the miracle part, let me just yammer on a bit with some completely irrelevant background information. In fact, it's so irrelevant that it probably doesn't even count as background but I'm throwing it in this post because I feel bad for it. Mainly because it's sad and negative and it deserves to be placed in with a miracle. So there.

Yesterday (and many days of late) I was once again reminding myself that when I was doing strict Paleo I felt like a rock star. I was losing weight, feeling in control, and making both mental and behavioral decisions I hadn't in years. With the recent intrusion of Thanksgiving (oh, let's be honest...October, Halloween, November, Thanksgiving, ETC) I've been pretty lapse in my good decision making. I was maintaining the weight I had lost, but over the last week I got a little out of hand (we're talking things like mixing leftover mashed potatoes, stuffing and turkey in to balls, breading and frying them) and gained 3 lbs. Consequently, I feel like crap. (But in case you wanted to see the leftover fried balls of delish...)

#thisiswhyyourefat

Now, changing course slightly...and including one of those embarrassing disclosures I'm so very good at. As some of you know, I've been doing the online dating thing. It's resulted in mainly humorous stories, with a success story or two (ok, just one) thrown in for good measure. Last week I had started communicating with a guy so similar to me in personality, wit and humor it was uncanny (and obviously fun talking to him). All was going well, a date was planned, and we were communicating via text multiple times during the day as well as a phone conversation here and there. One day we sent a few pics back and forth of us with our families. Now obviously I have pictures on my profile, but while I try to make it somewhat clear that I'm not a size 2, it's not like I'm going to put anything outright unflattering on there. I would kind of like to think that the right guy will not only see past my chub curves to my stellar personality, but would actually find me to be sexy as-is. I took a chance and sent him this picture, which is of me with my siblings. Since I'm standing in between my teeny sister and manorexic brother (love you, Chrisr), I thought it would be a good way to show my, uh, 'proportions'. 

Yes, we have every possible hair/eye color combination

 So, I sent the picture...and almost immediately after that, his communication with me began dwindling. He became very slow to respond, and when he did--one word answers. Clearly I don't have the patience for that, and I wasn't about to hold my Saturday night open for it either. On the off chance that he randomly just had a ton of stuff going on (this took place on the day before Thanksgiving), I sent him a text the day after Thanksgiving simply stating that clearly something had happened to change his interest level in me, and saying I assumed he wanted to cancel Saturday night. He responded 'Yes sorry'. OUCH. I mean I knew that was going to be his response, but it just sucked. And I'm not going to obsess over it or even be 100% sure it was the picture that changed his mind, but chances look good that it was. I responded nicely and said 'That's ok, I'm not for everyone. Best of luck to you.' He wrote back 'Thanks, you too. You're pretty awesome.' So....who knows? The important part of this story is that I was talking to my friend Tony about it afterwards, and he was like (summarizing), 'What do you even care? You never even met the guy! You're happy with the way you look so screw him.'  Yes, but that last statement? It's not true at all. I'm not happy with the way I look. In fact, I'm miserable with it, and think I could probably change the world if I had the daily mind power available to me that I spend worrying and lamenting over my size. It was actually surprising to me that someone so close to me didn't know that, but I suppose it's a good indication of how I tend to hold those negative thoughts in my head, and how I never ever ask for help or pity. I'm aware that I got myself here, and no amount of anyone's sympathy will get me out of it. That's my job.

Which brings me back to the start of the Christmas Miracle story (geez, I hope you're still reading and don't think I was just tricking you into reading a bunch of sobby crap). I vowed yesterday to find 4 new Paleo recipes, go to the grocery store and buy the ingredients, and go home and cook at least 2 of them. That would give me plenty of food available for the next 2 or 3 days.

Here's what happened:

• I DID find four awesome recipes
• I DID go to the grocery store and buy the ingredients
• I DID get $30 cash back in the self-checkout line
• I did NOT take the $30 from the machine when I checked out
• CURSES!

By the time I realized it I was home, and I figured that the $30 was good and gone. Bummer. Just in case, I called the store on my way to work this morning and asked if anyone had happened to turn the money in. Enter miracle: THEY DID. They asked if I had my receipt, which I figured I did not because Stop and Shop receipts are about 75 feet long and I always throw them out before I even leave the store. Enter miracle 2: I DID. It was in my trunk! I marched right in there and presented my receipt to the tune of $30! I know it was my money, but it kind of felt like I won it.

So there you have it, folks. A true Christmas Miracle. Pass it on...

Oh my sweet baby jeebus

I'm going to need a moment. You ever just throw something together, no recipe at all but just with a wisp of an idea, and end up making THE BEST EFFING MEAL EVER?! Oh, well I did. That is all.

Acorn squash (cooked in the microwave) stuffed with grass fed beef, onion, mushrooms, and onion. Tomatoes thrown in at the last minute. Seasoned with salt, pepper, porcini finishing salt, curry powder (ding ding secret ingredient!!!) and a bit of shredded asiago for good measure. I wish you could taste it, I really do. I love you that much. 

p.s. To my fellow OCD folks...I know. That grease smear where I tried to rescue a fallen piece of onion is awfully distracting to me too. Sorry.

Day 3 of Paleo

I didn't feel awesome yesterday, which was Day 3 of eating Paleo. I felt kind of run down and had a persistent headache throughout the day, but I'm told this is normal. It's basically my body's reaction to the bender it has been on for the last several years. Nothing I couldn't handle, just not awesome. The food, however, was fantastic!

What I ate:

Breakfast: Smoothie made with frozen fruit and coconut milk (no picture because I sucked it down like a baby giraffe with one of those giant baby bottles the zoo keepers feed them with).

Lunch: Mixed leftovers, beef bourguignon plus mashed cauliflower

Early evening snack: 'Things that are round' (cherry tomatoes, greek olives and grapes)

Dinner: Paleo meat sauce (grass fed beef, carrots, celery, onion, tomatoes) poured right into roasted spaghetti squash like a bowl (fun food alert!) You can find recipe here...I loved it.

Day 2 of Paleo

I woke up this morning feeling less bloated, which is always a good thing. I would describe 'bloated' as feeling like your stomach is sticking out and you couldn't suck it in if you tried. This morning my stomach looked and felt flatter, and I could definitely suck it in. I had been drinking quite a bit up until yesterday (like a LOT), and I think that has been a great contributor to me feeling like crap a lot of the time.

People have asked why I'm doing this to myself. My reasons are:

1. To 'clean out' my body and give it a treat from all of the shit I normally put into it. This is mental as much as physical. I feel that one month will give me the physical confirmation I need to tell me it's a good idea, and that even after one month when I start to reintroduce some of the foods I can't have now, it will be in moderation and with thought. I'm hoping to curb my mindless eating and drinking.

2. To lose weight. Obviously. The plan encourages you not to step on the scale for the full month and to instead focus on the way your body feels, but that's probably going to be impossible for me. I need instant feedback! Or at the very least, weekly. 

3. It's a challenge for me, and I love a good challenge and to put myself to the test.

4. My work has just become busy almost to the point of unmanageable, and doing this will serve a dual purpose in that regard. First, I will not fall into bad habits as a reward to myself for being stressed out. Second, it's something that I can have complete control over, even when my work life seems hectic or out of control.

Today, I ate this...and yes, it was all delicious!

Breakfast: Coffee with coconut milk along with mixed berries and nuts and coconut milk (that's a picture from the other day, I had a smaller portion this morning)

Lunch: Steamed cod with mediterranean spices (store bought, frozen) along with a salad made out of lettuce, cherry tomatoes, sliced radishes and a cut up apple. Topped with oil and vinegar...the salty/sweet/tangy combo was delightful!

Dinner was made from a post I saw online (click here for all dinner recipes): Baked chicken breasts that I rubbed with a 'paste' made out of coconut oil (which is soft and solid when at room temperature) and assorted spices.

I topped it with a pesto I made out of sun dried tomatoes, basil, garlic, lemon juice, olive oil and walnuts, and served with mashed cauliflower and sautéed spinach with garlic and olive oil. (Note that I made my pesto a little bit chunkier than the recipe called for for aesthetic reasons.)

Did you know...

…that if you type “sausage” into the search window for Weight Watchers recipes, there are 69 options?

Interesting.

March Bocado Wine Dinner (food porn)

Where: Bocado, Worcester MA

When: Last Monday of the month

Price: $45

I'm just going to get right to it, because frankly I have a headache from the 5 drinks I consumed with this delightful dinner and I'm cranky. Hopefully a recap of the good parts will bring me back to a less hostile place.

"Greeting" (served with sangria):

Assorted meats, cheeses and risotto balls (ohhhhh the balls).
 

My take: No picture because it's tough to take a picture of any object flying into your mouth at such a high speed. My favorite part of the whole dinner. I will say that the sangria is superb...not too sweet, not too winey.

1st Course (served with an amazingly crisp white Viura): Roasted beet carpaccio with smoked duck, Maytag bleu cheese, spicy Marona almonds, basil, and malt vinegar cream.

My take: This was the kind of white wine you could sit out in the yard with and be quite content finishing the bottle by yourself, alone. (Not that I've ever done that...yes, I have) The beets were beets (I've never seen orange beets before...they were milder than the red ones), the bleu was appropriately footy, and the almonds had a nice kick to them. My favorite part was the duck...it didn't taste smoky at all, but rather like a perfectly cooked pork tenderloin.

2nd Course (served with a Garnacha/Syrah/Carinena/Tempranillo/Merlot mix) : Dry herb seared salmon, topped with black olive pistachio pesto and served over asparagus stew.


My take: I am normally not a fan of salmon, but this was delicious. Not too fishy with a perfectly seared herb crust. The pesto...well, let's just say I wanted to do inappropriate things with that pesto. The asparagus stew it was served over? Meh. It was heavy on the red/green pepper flavor, which I don't like. Everyone else seemed to love it. The wine had a lot going on seeing as it was a mix of 5 different kinds, but it worked well with the salmon.

3rd Course (served with a Garnacha/Cabernet Sauvignon) : Boneless, skinless chicken thigh with a burnt orange-vanilla glaze, served over chick peas with a blistered tomato rosemary sauce.

My take: No. Burnt orange flavor is not for me...too burnt, too orange. And while I normally love chick peas, you couldn't even enjoy them through the orange flavor. That is all I'll say about that. The wine, however, was incredible. Favorite red by far.
4th Course (served with a Tempranillo): Beef tenderloin with saffron mustard sauce, served next to a black-barley and bacon risotto cake which was topped with toasted pinenut lemon aioli and a fried lobster ravioli.

My take: I would have been content with someone removing the risotto cake, lobster ravioli, all of the other food from the dinner and 3 of my toes in order to have 100 times more of that beef tenderloin. YES. Like I need a minute just to remember it....(eyes closed, trancelike rocking in effect)...ok. I'm back. Blahblahblah beef tenderloin.

 Dessert: Mango flan with mixed fruit and berries.

My take: Girls just wanna have flan.

Bocado Wine Dinner (Food Porn Warning)

Last night I was invited to join a group of 10 fun ladies at Bocado, a tapas restaurant in Worcester. On the last Monday of every month, they pair several courses of food with different wines from Spain. With 6 gourmet courses, 4 glasses of amazing wine and a bonus glass of sangria, it was an amazing deal for only $45. Plus, the host and chef come out prior to each course to tell you all about what you will be eating and drinking. I totally felt like a judge on a cooking show.

Walk with me through the forest of food, would you please?

When we entered the room, we were handed a glass of red sangria, which was light and refreshing and not too sweet. It complimented the first course, which was an assortment of "artisan cheeses and charcuterie, Chef's selection of assorted pinchos and tapas". I would have been satisfied leaving after this plate alone. Those balls? Deep fried risotto stuffed with shrimpy goodness (the white ones) and ham and cheese (the yellow one). Oh, those balls...

The 1st course was served with a glass of white, a 2010 albarino from Rias Biaxas. It was a golden crab cake over red cabbage, topped with mango salsa and drizzled with grapefruit honey. As tasty as it was pretty.

For the 2nd course we switched to red, a 2008 garnacha (grenache) from Calatayud. It was served with baby romaine lettuce and three slices of juicy roasted Kumato tomatoes that were topped with parmesan and an amazing smoky salt. The romaine was topped with a green olive and caper dressing that had toasted anise in it (which worried me because I HATE anise), but the flavor was extremely light and surprisingly delicious.

The 3rd course continued on with the reds, switching to a 2009 tempranillo from Ribera Del Jucar. It was served with veal meatballs (another thing I don't eat but took a risk and WOW so good), mushroom ragout (get in mah belly), and grilled flat bread with a blue cheese/parsley spread drizzled with chili oil. Amazing.

The 4th and final course before dessert was served with a 2006 alaia (preito pecudo/tempranillo/merlot mix) from Castilly y Leon. My favorite wine of the evening. The course was Barcelona prime rib with stewed white beans and crumbled goat cheese. At this point I was so full I'm not sure I was even tasting anything.

Finally, I was thrilled to find out that dessert would not be off limits for me. I gave up sweets for lent, but dessert was dried fig and date compote with golden raisins and fresh berries served over plain Greek yogurt. Seeing as that's something I would have for breakfast, I felt fine about eating it. It was the perfect finish.

Does all of this Superbowl talk have you craving Chinese food?

Who am I kidding? Everything makes me crave Chinese food! 

I used to work at a place where 75% of our group was comprised of people from China. When we would order out and say we were getting Chinese food, they would all laugh at us and say “that’s not Chinese food”, because they came to work every day with a beautiful layered concoction of rice, meat and vegetables. (Note: they were also all thin…coincidence? I think not).

So no, the fried everything and heavily-sauced meat mixtures aren’t really “Chinese food”, but they are delicious (and fatty and ridiculously high in sodium, etc)

Enter WW recipe for beef and broccoli. Let me tell you something:

MAKE THIS. It tastes just like takeout!!!

Make it for your husband/wife/kids/mom/friends/enemies or anyone else in the universe. It’s flawless.

Get these things:

2 1/2 Tbsp cornstarch, divided   

1/4 tsp table salt     

3/4 pound(s) uncooked lean trimmed sirloin beef, thinly sliced against the grain   

2 tsp canola oil     

1 cup(s) reduced-sodium chicken broth, divided     

5 cup(s) uncooked broccoli, florets (about a 12 oz bag)   

1 Tbsp ginger root, fresh, minced (I couldn’t find any, so I used powdered)  

2 tsp minced garlic

1/4 tsp red pepper flakes, or to taste   

1/4 cup(s) low-sodium soy sauce   

1/2 cup(s) water   

Mushrooms (optional, about half that package)

Sesame seeds

Beer (to drink while you cook…treat yo self!)

Once you have all that, do this:

• On a plate, combine 2 tablespoons cornstarch and salt; add beef and toss to coat.
• Heat oil in a large nonstick wok or large deep skillet over medium-high heat. Add beef and stir-fry until lightly browned and cooked through, about 4 minutes; transfer to a bowl with a slotted spoon.
• Add 1/2 cup broth to same pan; stir to loosen any bits on food on bottom of pan. Add broccoli and mushrooms; cover and cook, tossing occasionally and sprinkling with a tablespoon water if needed, until broccoli is almost crisp-tender, about 3 minutes. Uncover pan and add ginger, garlic and red pepper flakes; stir-fry until fragrant, about 1 minute.
• In a cup, stir together soy sauce, remaining 1/2 cup broth, remaining 1/2 tablespoon cornstarch and water until blended; stir into pan. Reduce heat to medium-low and bring to a simmer; simmer until slightly thickened, about 1 minute.
• Return beef and accumulated juices to pan; toss to coat. Serve. Yields about 1 1/4 cups per serving.

Aw, yeah

Fooooood

I feel like I haven’t posted food pictures lately…very unlike me. It’s certainly not because I’m not eating any.

Breakfast today was a cherry smoothie: cherry yogurt, frozen cherries and pomegranate juice. It was simply delightful, and I didn’t take a picture because my phone is getting overrun with pictures of smoothie ingredients.

Lunch today is a Weight Watchers recipe for a cold tomato/mozzarella/basil/pasta salad that I found to be a zillion times better heated up, combined with a couple of ounces of lemon garlic pork tenderloin I had left over.

I have such conflicting feelings about hot cherry tomatoes (heated up hot, not spicy hot). My mouth is telling me I should eject it simply for the texture (so smushy and that hot, squirty juice…barf), but my taste buds overrule that decision because they are always delicious. Always!